


Captain's Log

by Thatsmysky (thatsmysky)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor, Post-Apocalypse, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 05:10:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1333207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysky/pseuds/Thatsmysky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thousands of years after the Earth was abandoned in 2013, a small human crew returns to revisit their lost history.  They land in a movie theater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain's Log

**Author's Note:**

> The colors are written in code, since it is the far future... if you don't recognize them, google them.

November 12th, local time. The year date is Gamma-II and we are beginning our descent to the former home of the species “homo sapien”, or humans. A thin layer of gaseous water hides the majority of the surface from view, but what little was can see is green surrounding large black wounds in the planet’s crust. There are small areas of what the humans called “oceans” visible, but they are filled with debris and do not live up to their reputation of blue brilliance. More observations to come, we are beginning our final descent. This ends the first entry of Captain Zulu. 

November 28th, local time. The year date is Gamma-II. We have arrived on the surface of “Earth” in a strange area. Our data stores tell us that this is “New York, New York” but that is a repetitive and clearly misused title. This place is anything but new and must have been covered in grime even before it’s residents left for larger pastures. Looking upon this wasteland, it is easy to see how humans became the ravenous consumers they are in the galaxy today. Although many of the human pests have been destroyed, finding their origins will bring us more understanding of our foes, and with perseverance we may be able to stop them for good. 

This city is entirely unnatural. Every line is as straight and rigid as possible for their primitive methods. There is little beauty, and no reference to their ancestors or nature. My crew finds this blatant disregard of their origins as a possible beginning of their downfall and I am inclined to agree with them. There can be little hope of future prosperity if one does not reference previous successes. 

December 7, local time. The year date is Gamma-II. We have set up base near what we believe to be a temple to their mysterious gods. There are many shards of fused sand gathered at its base, and the vast areas of blackness and fused sand are the only obvious curves in the general vicinity. We restored a small amount of power to these large curves, and were accosted by noise in the human tongue we believe to be a mixture of their “Laytin” and “Jermanic”. The large curves were suddenly filled with light, flashing from FF0000 to 000000 with a large symbol of FFFF00 shining in the center. I have attached a drawing of what we believe to be their depiction of their deity. Upon seeing this large and seemingly powerful visage, we were compelled to eat. This in itself was unusual, as we had eaten shortly beforehand. Regardless, the crew went to their packs and ate what remaining sustenance they could find. Thus ends the third entry of Captain Zulu. I retire now with the rest of the crew. Their temple stopped accosting us at approximately 19:00 Earth-time. 

December 12, Earth time. The year date is Gamma-II. We were awoken this morning by the loud accusations of the Earth temple. Instead of there being the large FF0000 and FFFF00 light there had been before, this time there were inaccurate depictions of humans. For one, the head fur is much longer than normal, and there in no fur anywhere else on the body. The fur also seems to move independent of the humanoid, and against gravity. The creature wears no protective gear except a small band around their torso. this seems impractical and ineffective, as the creature’s body seems to be straining against the garment. There is also a similar band around where the humanoid’s lower legs meet the torso. These garments seem to serve no practical purpose, and we can only assume that this is another human deity. This deity is surrounded by FF00FF. We do not understand why humans would be so drawn to such a strange being, but our data stores tell us that the being is “Victoria’s Secret” and that it was very popular among young humans. We disconect the power and move on, not wanting to stay in such a strange place. We moved on to a large building with an FFFFFF band around the top of the doorway. We walked into a room that had what could only be lesser gods on the walls. It seems to me that there are many gods to these humans, perhaps that is why they are so confused and unruly. 

I cannot begin to describe the numerous deities and their attributes, so I have included pictures of those as well. Almost all of them had their name written on their visages, which I found odd. Our data stores tried to translate the text, but what we came up with were oddities such as “Stahr Trekk in2 Dahknessie” and “Pain After Drunkenness III”. These are some of the oddest names I have seen for deities in all my experience as an archeologist. We tried again to scan the pictures, this time only the faces in order to ascertain what the locals called them. This brought even stranger results. What we had thought to be “Stahr Trekk in2 Dahknessie” was apparently “Beanbag Cabbagepatch”, and “Pain After Drunkenness III” was “One Man Wolfpack”. We can conclude from these findings that the original names we found were for the religions which followed these gods, while the final names were the actual titles of the deities.


End file.
